Marriage Is Not A Reward But An Assignment

 In a world where social media highlights the glitz of weddings and romantic gestures, it’s easy to believe that marriage is the ultimate reward—a prize for finding "the one" or achieving a particular stage in life. But beneath the surface, marriage is not a trophy to be won; it’s an assignment—a mission that requires commitment, effort, and intentionality to fulfill.

This perspective may sound unconventional, but it holds a profound truth that many couples only realize after exchanging vows. Let’s explore this idea by looking beyond the fantasy and focusing on what makes marriage a purposeful journey.

Marriage Is Not the Finish Line

Picture this: the big wedding day has come and gone. You’ve said your vows, danced to your favorite song, and posed for countless photos. Friends and family have showered you with compliments about how perfect you and your spouse look together. For a moment, it feels like the world applauds you for reaching the pinnacle of success.

But what happens next?

Real marriage begins when the guests go home, the lights dim, and you and your spouse are left alone to build a life together. Suddenly, you realize that love, while essential, is not enough. There are bills to pay, dreams to align, and challenges to face. This is where the real work begins.

Why Marriage Is an Assignment

When we view marriage as a reward, we often approach it with unrealistic expectations. We may assume our partner will always meet our needs, that conflicts will resolve themselves, or that happiness will come effortlessly. But when marriage is seen as an assignment, the perspective shifts:

• Purpose Over Perfection: Marriage becomes a partnership with a shared mission. Whether it’s raising a family, building a legacy, or supporting each other’s personal growth, there’s a greater purpose to fulfill.

• Growth Through Challenges: Instead of avoiding conflicts, you embrace them as opportunities to learn and grow together. You recognize that disagreements don’t signify failure but are tools to strengthen your bond.

• Intentionality and Work: Just as with any significant assignment, marriage requires planning, effort, and commitment. You show up daily, ready to nurture your relationship, even when it feels inconvenient or challenging.

Let me share a story with you

Tunde and Amaka’s Story

Tunde and Amaka were the perfect couple in everyone’s eyes. They met during their NYSC year, quickly fell in love, and got married two years later. Their wedding was grand, with people traveling from far and wide to celebrate their union.

But six months into their marriage, reality struck. Tunde was struggling with a demanding job in Lagos, while Amaka was trying to grow her small business. Their different schedules left them with little time for each other, and unresolved disagreements began to pile up.

One evening, after an intense argument, Tunde said, “Why does this feel so hard? Aren’t we supposed to be happy now that we’re married?”

Amaka paused and replied, “Maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way. Marriage isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about figuring out how to work together to make it through life.”

That night, they sat down and had an honest conversation about their struggles and expectations. They decided to approach their marriage as a partnership with a purpose—to support each other’s goals, create a stable home, and be an example to younger couples in their community.

Embracing Marriage as a Calling

Tunde and Amaka’s story reminds us that marriage is more than the culmination of love; it’s the beginning of a shared journey. It’s a calling that requires humility, patience, and a willingness to grow.

When you see marriage as an assignment, you:

• Invest in Communication: You prioritize listening and understanding, knowing that open dialogue is the foundation of a strong partnership.

• Accept the Seasons of Marriage: There will be times of joy and times of difficulty. Viewing marriage as a mission helps you navigate these seasons with resilience.

• Focus on Building Together: Instead of keeping score, you work as a team, celebrating wins and learning from losses.


Marriage is not a reward for being the perfect partner or meeting societal expectations. It’s an assignment—an opportunity to build something meaningful with another person. This perspective doesn’t make marriage less romantic; it makes it more profound.

So, whether you’re preparing for marriage or are years into the journey, ask yourself: What purpose does my marriage serve? How can I embrace the work and joy that comes with it?

Remember, the beauty of marriage isn’t in its ease; it’s in its purpose. And that purpose, when fully embraced, turns a simple relationship into a lifelong mission worth pursuing.